It can be difficult to figure out exactly what men desire, especially when it seems as though they don’t communicate quite the same as women. This means women, in particular, know less and less about what guys want, both in life and relationships.
Reading men isn’t easy; they don’t just come out and tell you what they want, after all. But it’s not just physical attraction that men look for in a woman who is marriage material. Men look for a woman who is not only a good person, but has very specific traits that make her stand out from everyone else.
Here are 10 traits men secretly want in a wife.
1. A kind heart
A kindhearted woman is thoughtful, loving, and caring. When she smiles at a man, he has no choice but to smile back. Her smile and energy are infectious and inspire him to be a better person.
A woman who radiates warmth from her heart does small things for her partner just because she loves him. (Of course, a good man will do the same for her). Men want to marry the type of woman who goes out of her way to make him happy in any small way she can.
2. Understanding and empathy
Being compassionate, supportive, and saying encouraging towards a partner is a huge part of building a successful relationship. Nobody wants a Debbie Downer who won’t support her partner in their endeavors or in times of need.
Life is full of challenges that a couple will face together, particularly a married couple. But empathy is a big trait men secretly want in a wife. He wants a woman who can handle challenges with him as a team, all while remaining understanding of his wants and needs, and lending a shoulder to cry on if he needs it.
In addition to supporting and encouraging her partner’s own goals and dreams, men want a woman who has her own set of goals and dreams. She lives by her own personal aspirations, not what others intend for her to do.
An ambitious woman has a vision for her future and chases after it with voracity. She will be someone he can take on the world with, and be a teammate in life.
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Think of consistency as the opposite of volatility. If she’s unpredictable and volatile, it’s difficult to know how she will act on a given day. This gets old no matter how outwardly beautiful she is.
Another way to be consistent is to be authentic throughout the entire dating process. She shouldn’t send her “representative” self for the first few months of dating and then drastically change once he’s committed! Instead, men want women who remain true to themselves.
Being consistent is a valuable virtue that every man wants in a wife. And staying authentic not only improves a woman’s chance of landing the man she wants, but keeps her confident as well.
5. Someone who puts in the effort
Sometimes the romance wears off in long-term relationships, but don’t let it. It just takes a little bit of consistent effort to keep things going. It can be something as simple as planning a surprise outing for him, cooking him his favorite meal, or renting a movie he’s been wanting to watch.
Furthermore, a woman who continues to do what she knows her partner was attracted to in the beginning, shows she cares about keeping them around. And that is definite wife material.
6. Shared values
Many times, our value system comes from our upbringing and includes things that are important to us, what we believe strongly in, ways we treat others, and ways we treat ourselves.
It doesn’t matter how attracted you are to someone or how well you get along — if your values don’t align, you will clash in the long-term. So, similar values equals wife potential, but don’t compromise your own values in the process.
7. Physical attraction
Yes, both men and women need to be physically attracted to their partner to start a relationship. However, attractiveness also plays an important role in holding the relationship together.
That’s not to say that a woman has to fit a certain image of beauty in order to be considered wife material; every man is attracted to a different type of woman and has his own personal tastes, after all.
8. Someone who’s friendly and social
When men are out and about, they want someone by their side during those situations. He wants someone he can find himself with at events or when hanging out with friends.
Men look for a sociable personality in a woman he wants to marry, not someone who gives off negative energy or attitude from being in social situations or when meeting friends, family or coworkers.
9. A sense of humor
We know how important it is to women for the man in their life to have a good sense of humor, but it’s equally important in the other direction. Men want a woman who can laugh, whether it’s at his funny jokes or other humorous things.
If a guy has a great sense of humor, it will be lost on a woman who is too dry or stiff. Furthermore, it could cause tension if he’s often joking around and she becomes annoyed due to her seriousness.
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A couple needs to be able to be playful and joke around with each other. It helps lighten the mood, makes extended periods of time together more fun, and never gets old. A woman that shares his type of humor is what any man wants in a wife and partner.
10. Love and affection
It may not need to be said, but being loving and affectionate symbolizes connection. It brings a warm and loving feeling, and makes a man feel truly loved, appreciated, and needed.
It would be difficult to build a long-term relationship with a woman who shrugs off a man’s needs and wants. Instead, he’s going to look for a woman who is loving and caring, leading with her heart.
James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach. He is a go-to expert on CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.
This article was originally published at James M Sama. Reprinted with permission from the author.