Weddings, Bar and Bat Mitzvahs, and funerals are rituals that make us slow down and have deeper, more profound life experiences. These rituals help us celebrate the good times and deal with and heal from the bad times. And they also have great opportunities to have a dance-off with your family.
In marriage, we also need rituals to deal with the good and bad times, and these rituals will keep as well as increase the passion and aliveness in your intimate relationship. It’s what makes sticking to your vows so attractive. It’s what makes marriage so important. That commitment to each other, and seeing that commitment every day.
The rituals I am about to discuss are best done on a daily or at least almost daily basis.
Here are 3 rituals couples that are still passionate about each other do daily:
1. Before you get started on your busy day, cuddle in bed before you get out of bed
Even if you have a baby who is crying; after you attend to the baby, take 30 seconds to a minute (or more) to touch and hold your partner. Let them know that they’re doing a good job and that you’re there to help relieve any burden you can.
Starting your day like this really sets the tone of your intimate relationship. There’s nothing as sexy as being held.
2. Pause at least a few times during your workday to text or call your partner to let them know that you are thinking of them
You can be humorous, flirtatious, or just plain interested in what is happening in your partner’s world. Then, get back to work if need be. But take the time to show them that you’ll always have time for them, no matter what the task is that you’re doing. Let them know how appreciated they are, and that you notice all the work that they’re doing.
3. Have a 10-minute “feelings” talk everyday or evening
During these 10 minutes, your focus is on each other’s inner experiences rather than each other’s to-do list. This is not a time to make plans. You can do that in the 11th minute if you really need to. These 10 minutes can be used to explore the pain that either person may be experiencing or the pleasant feelings as well.
(Look for articles on healthy communication, which you can apply during these 10-minute intimate dialogues.)
I have helped many couples develop and commit to these rituals that have transformed their relationship, even couples who have been stuck for years or decades.
Seemingly miraculous things happen between a couple when new, positive behavior patterns are developed. Why not your relationship?
Todd Creager is a marriage and intimacy therapist, author, and speaker.
This article was originally published at Todd Creager’s website. Reprinted with permission from the author.