Does he or doesn’t he like me?
Take your mind off that question. Shift your focus to the solution. How to flirt with a guy who doesn’t get subtlety.
Why? Because so many guys don’t “get” it. You could look at him with a hot pink LED sign over your head that explodes in glitter puffy paint font saying, “I like you!” while you are covered in heart stickers, and he will think you were an influencer for a guerilla marketing campaign.
These guys need more than one sign. Multiple times. And in different ways. And, sometimes, they still won’t make a move.
Here are 3 subtle ways to flirt with a man (so that he’ll never forget you).
Not a big toothy grin! You could give him a flirty-coy smile and hold his gaze, even if your face gets red.
That will let him know you are approachable and available. Then, look away. He might approach to say, “Hi”.
However, if you only smile once, he might think you’re a friendly person who smiles at the people you see.
If he’s still too shy, proceed.
Photo: Subbotina Anna via Shutterstock
2. Smile again and hold his gaze for a couple of seconds.
It will seem like an eternity. Then, look away. You don’t want to ogle him and seem creepy.
You could approach him and say, “Hi,” and he will probably say, “Hi” back. It’s OK to approach a guy.
If you choose to say that voice-trembling 2-letter word you’ve been saying since you were 13 months old, it doesn’t mean you have to lead the conversation after that. He is probably just as nervous as you, so in the first 10 seconds, you could say “Hi” first.
If you are both still too shy, proceed.
3. Smile again, and hold his gaze for a few more seconds.
There have been millions of wild romantic relationships that started with a conversation of a few small words. Imagine what would happen if you never talk to each other. Then, one day, his schedule changes, you don’t bump into him again, and he doesn’t have your number. And there was never a chance to learn more about this guy.
It is so hard to say those two letters from our enormous vocabulary. But, you can say “Hi” if he doesn’t make the move. Or, you can keep smiling, hoping, and waiting to see what happens. Or, you can say it!
It doesn’t have to be an earth-moving conversation starter. Just two letters, “Hi”. Practice with your friends. Practice in the mirror. Practice in your head as you ride in the elevator. Then say it as you see him walk toward you in those well-worn jeans.
Recently, I was out with a great guy friend at one of my favorite local restaurants, and a woman at the bar was obnoxiously hitting on him. She was touching him, smiling, getting close, flipping her hair, batting her eyes — doing everything she could to get a hint of his attention.
While walking out of the restaurant, I mentioned her interest in him, and he had no idea. He hadn’t noticed her peacock displays of affection.
A reader of mine sent me a question about this exact problem.
“There is a man I’m attracted to. He is so sweet-looking and handsome. I showed him my interest by making eye contact, but he didn’t always look back. My friend told me she saw him watching me when I wasn’t looking.
After a couple of weeks, he finally smiled at me. This week, we smile at each other every time we see each other in the hall.
I feel like I’m giving him the signals that I like him by smiling and making eye contact when we see each other, but he’s not making a move. I’m pretty shy and have never made the first move before. I think guys should make the first move, especially if a girl seems interested. I think he likes me but isn’t putting in any effort. I’m so confused! Should I just give up?”
There are many reasons why he might not be hitting on you (and we will never know for sure unless we ask him).
His girlfriend from Holland is coming in next month.
He might be getting over his ex who called him every night at 3 AM.
He could be as shy or even more shy than you.
Even attractive men are afraid of rejection.
He’s in debt and can’t afford to ask you out on a date.
He’s not emotionally available.
We will never know what he is feeling or thinking — we can only guess. Embrace the unknown and know there is something you can do: Smile at least three times and say, “Hi,” because one smile probably isn’t enough.
Dina Colada is an author, speaker, and dating coach who specializes in helping single women navigate the modern world of online dating. Her work has appeared on sites like Prevention, MSN, Women’s Health, Plenty of Fish, and Zoosk.
This article was originally published at DinaColada.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.