The idea of learning how to write a dating profile to get a guy to like you on online dating sites like OkCupid and Match or apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge rubs me the wrong way, but it does raise important lessons about online matchmaking and dating in general.
Assuming you need to manipulate your profile to make you appear a certain way to catch a specific kind of man is not only disingenuous but counterproductive.
It’s dishonest to distort your profile to try to attract a specific kind of guy because if you’re not truthful, the men who do reply to your profile will eventually realize that you are not the person they thought they would be meeting.
When I was single, I knew a woman who lied about her age in her dating profile. She was fearful that if men knew her real age, they wouldn’t respond to her, whereas she believed that once these men met her, they wouldn’t care how old she was since she looked younger than her age.
Doing this may have attracted some men to her initially, but it’s been over twenty years now and she is still single, complaining that she can’t find a good man.
The focus in writing a profile that will help you find the right men to date must be on you, not on who you want to attract. You need to find a man who wants to be with you because he is genuinely attracted to who you authentically are and what you truly enjoy doing.
Here are 3 tiny secrets on how to write a dating profile that attracts the kind of guy you want:
1. Be honest
Healthy relationships are based on honesty and trust, so if your potential dating partner’s first encounter with you, i.e., your profile, is false or misleading, even if you attract the kind of man you want, you probably won’t be able to keep him.
If you have lied about your age, when you start to talk about how old your children are, or when you went to college, the man may start doing the math. If the numbers don’t make sense, he will begin to wonder what else you may be lying about.
In addition, if a man would not have considered your profile if he knew your actual age, is he someone you want to attract? If you and he are in your 40s and he wants to date a woman in her 20s or 30s, he may be too immature for you.
Have you ever had a man who was 15 or 20 years older than you respond to your profile and feel upset that they ignored your age guidelines for matches? If so, how did it feel?
Like it or not, we all have some preconceived notions about what we want in a partner. Age is a number and some people age well, but in the era of online dating, lying about age doesn’t help.
2. Be yourself
A similar mistake people make is to put a picture that is ten years old on their profile. When a potential partner meets them, they see that these people look different and older now, leaving them disappointed and put off.
Your profile is a lot like a picture of who you are as a person.
Make it as accurate and up-to-date as you can. The more it reflects the real you, the greater the likelihood that it will attract men who will want to date the real you.
3. Be creative
Treat your profile like a creative writing project.
Here are a few creative assignments to help you write your profile:
- In 100 words or less, tell your life story
- Make a laundry list of adjectives or adverbs that describe you as a person
- Write a short poem/limerick (4-6 lines) that describes you, ie., “There is an adventurous girl from Texas, Who went and bought a Lexus, She wants to drive to Timbuktu, With a fun-loving partner, Could it be you?”
- Write a bucket list of things you hope to do before the end of your life
- Describe the one accomplishment you are most proud of in your life and what you hope to accomplish next
- Describe your favorite places to travel and where you hope to visit next
If you have a good sense of humor, use it in your profile. if you are a serious person, let your profile reflect that. If you are creative, let your creativity shine through. If you are a homebody, describe what you like about staying home.
Once you have written one of these short assignments, edit it down to fit the profile length allowed. Less is more in a good dating profile.
You want your profile to be as unique as you are. It shouldn’t sound like a Hallmark card filled with overused words.
Using alliteration, “a literary device in which a series of words begin with the same consonant sound”, can help catch someone’s attention. Here are a few examples:
- Sweet, sassy, sensual, sometimes sarcastic
- Playful, perky partner
- Casual, comfortable, communicative companion
- Energetic, easygoing, down to earth
- Active, artistic, amicable
Once you compose your profile, run it by a close friend or family member to see if it accurately describes who you are.
If you have done your job well, a man looking for a woman like you will respond to your profile.
Only after you meet will you begin to find out whether he is the kind of person you want to attract, but the likelihood that he will be is greater if your profile speaks to him and what he is looking for.
Dr. Barbara Lavi is a public speaker, licensed clinical psychologist, founder of ACTNowPsychotherapy, and author of the bestselling book The Wake-Up and Dream Challenge.