Many people are so focused on finding someone to be their significant other, that they overlook the fact that they’re not ready for commitment. You’d think you’d realize that you don’t want to be in a relationship, but that’s not always true. Instead, you may crave having someone in your life to share things with. Don’t confuse this feeling with being ready for a relationship.
Here are 6 uncomfortable signs you’re totally not ready for a relationship:
1. You are drawn to the wrong person
Time after time, the person that you’re attracted to is in no way the one you should be with. Even though you’re warned that they might be a huge player or a loser, it doesn’t stop you from latching onto them. It also doesn’t take very long to realize that you’ve made a big mistake.
2. You are only happy when you have “someone”
When you’re invited to a social event, unless you have a date to escort you, it’s likely that you’ll make up an excuse to not attend. This is never a good reason to jump into a relationship. You need to learn how to be happy with yourself first.
Some women feel like they need to “fix” someone. This translates into drama. They find someone who’s dysfunctional and then keep busy by trying to save him. Being a therapist isn’t the same thing as being a girlfriend.
On the flip side, you might want someone to save you. If you’re constantly talking about what a mess your life is, it’s important to fix it all before you’re ready for a real relationship. You’ll most likely attract another person with all of your same issues, so neither of you will get better.
3. You think a relationship will complete you
While this sounds great in a movie or in a book, the reality is a bit different. There should be no completing. In fact, you might consider looking for a partner who will complement you. This makes you look a lot less needy.
4. You spend more time looking for love than enjoying your interests
Granted, you do need to be out there in social situations if you ever plan to meet the right person, but don’t plan all of your outings around “The Hunt.”
5. Your baggage is holding you back
You haven’t truly and thoroughly dealt with any leftover emotional baggage from previous relationships. Until you do, all your future relationships will be “rebounds.” Another person isn’t necessarily going to take your mind off of your ex.
6. You don’t feel you can be your authentic self
There is no need to turn yourself inside out to make sure you’re exactly what someone else wants. Be more concerned about whether or not the other person is exactly what you want.
Aaron Kaplan is a Coach Training Alliance-Certified Coach (CTA-CC), Certified Prepare-Enrich Facilitator, and CDC Certified Divorce Coach, who also happens to be an ordained member of the clergy.