As a husband, you may sometimes feel like you don’t understand where your wife is coming from, nor do you always care to.
But you can be a better husband than that.
If you want a good marriage that’s happy and healthy, it’s time to step up.
In the book For Men Only, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn have provided some marriage advice — the blueprint — based on years of research that can truly help us understand the building blocks to sustainable, happy, and healthy relationships.
When you decide to get married, you know married life won’t be perfect. You and your spouse are likely to argue at some point.
After the dust has settled from a recent argument and you’ve calmed down, ask yourself, “Do I love my wife and want to make her happy?”
If the answer is “yes,” you must understand certain things to relate to her.
Here are 7 essential truths men need to understand about women to be better husbands:
1. Your wife needs to feel loved
Even if you have the best marriage in the world, your wife will still need reassurance that you love her. Letting your wife feel loved is an expression of caring.
It lets her know you want her to feel secure, protected, and comfortable, which are the vital ingredients of any healthy relationship, and why she married you in the first place.
When your wife feels you love her, you, in essence, are saying to her, “You are important to me. I care about the problems you face in your life, and I will be there when you need me.”
Feeling loved is the glue that holds a marriage together. Without it, your wife will feel alienated. With it, she becomes emotionally connected. She will feel terrific when she is loved and will feel terrible when there is not enough of it.
2. Women feel their emotions, deeply
Women deal with multiple thoughts and emotions that must be acknowledged. Acknowledging your wife’s emotions is validation, according to coach and author Dr. Karen Hall.
Validation is the recognition and acceptance of another person’s thoughts, feelings, sensations, and behaviors.
3. You need to listen to her
Even though you may feel like it’s hard for you to figure out your wife, you have to take your time to decipher what she is asking you.
You must tap into what lies underneath her words. The need for conversation is not met by only talking to her.
By delving deeper into a conversation, you are investigating her, so give her your undivided attention.
4. She craves emotional security
Her need for this type of security is so crucial that she will forgo some financial security.
A peaceful, well-managed home can do wonders for your married life, especially now that most couples are both working.
5. Your Mr. Fix-It gene must shut down for a while
When your wife is distressed, we tend to jump in to save the day. But, in these cases, we need to step back and listen.
Your wife feels very fulfilled when she reveals her most private thoughts, and you stop and listen.
On the flip side, she will feel very frustrated if she hides her thoughts because she doesn’t want you to jump in and save the day every time.
6. Less intimacy doesn’t equal less desirability
We know we are usually the one that has the greater need for intimacy, and this issue can create significant conflict.
That’s why you need to communicate your needs. Without that understanding, you are likely to not have your needs met.
7. Her beauty lies in you, the beholder, no matter what
Your wife may be strong and independent in the boardroom and can hold down in the baby room, but what she wants, most of all is to feel that she is and always will be “the one”.
Admiring her beauty is one of the easiest needs to meet. Just a word of appreciation and presto! You’ve made her day! On the other hand, it’s also easy to be critical.
Which would you prefer to make your wife truly happy?
Keith Dent is a writer, blogger, and certified empowerment coach. He’s the author of In the Paint: How to Win at the Game of Love.